Currently Holding It Altogether With One Bobby Pin
And the Bobby Pin is losing its strength to hold anything together…Some days, I can’t catch my breath. I get dizzy. My feet are numb. My fingers tingle. It feels like with every step I take I’m getting ripped in two.
Life is full of squalls…always in flux…a part of being human. Sometimes, we see them coming as the large dark storm clouds start to churn on the horizon. And then there are the sudden life-threatening storms that blindside us.
“Mom, the biopsy confirmed the doctor’s diagnosis.” My heart broke. “This can’t happen” was my first response. The previous reports were “dehydration and anaemic”. When the symptoms continued, further consultations and tests were arranged…”Cancer” and here we are
The fear that was buried for many years for me, was realized. Cancer has reared its ugly head, again. The inherited BRCA gene has already destroyed the hope and lives of so so many in the family …47+ direct relatives and more than we know.
This is so unfair. All the risk management strategies had been taken, prophylactic mastectomy (removal of breasts) and prophylactic oophorectomy (removal of ovaries), the consistent screenings and check-ups. It is difficult to process and accept the reality of the situation… I have no control and cannot protect my child from the impact of the consequences of “Cancer”.
The storm is here with a severity that causes the tears to well up in my eyes…
Storms Pass
Our storms speak to WHERE we are; not WHO we are.
In the weeds, but looking forward to the future with hope. My Mr. P was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in 2019. After surgery and chemo, it has been two years without any reoccurrence. We had a scare when a nodule was found on his lung. The doctors were 95% convinced that the cancer had returned. The joke was on them…after considering less evasive laser radiation, it was decided that the surgery would offer a better diagnosis. The doctor arrived at his bedside with a sign “TB”. Although the treatment is not nice, it was received with a sign of relief…it was not the return of his cancer.
Although it is not the same type of cancer, and the treatment will be different…yet the experience offers optimism and the ability to hear the music of the future.
Faith is the courage to dance to that music today …we can adapt and cultivate resilience …the ability to withstand adversity, bounce back and grow despite life’s downturns …it is not one magic pass of the wand, but a nurturing and cultivation within oneself.
“Let nothing trouble you, let nothing frighten you. All things are passing; God never changes. Patience obtains all things. He who possesses God lacks nothing. God alone suffices.” ~St. Teresa of Avila
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as beautiful as you'd ever imagined.
I was once told by a therapist that the best thing that I can do for my children in a painful situation, is becoming the best person I can be.
I must accept the presence of the situation instead of crawling into bed and hiding my head under the covers…I cannot resist or deny the existence of the storm.
But…I can seek shelter like the bird’s do to cope with storms …finding protected areas with loving family members and friends.
Adjust my flight patterns with these fierce winds…fly at lower altitudes where the wind speed might be a little lower. Changing my routine to become gentler with myself…deep breathing, spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness and meditation are a ‘must’ for stability… birds conserve their energy by reducing their activity levels and minimizing unnecessary movements …extremely essential for long term survival. These are a few of the strategies that are supportive in this early stage. In a few days, the oncologists will suggest the treatment for going forward…
This journey is a spiritual for me …each day a new adventure on this path…a gift to be unwrapped …a new day to grow, show love, be supportive, actively listen …I pray that the coming days “make me stronger, smarter, and kinder”…I may cry, scream, throw my tantrum…but then I’ll get up, straighten my clothes, and keep on going…
We Fall.
We Break.
We Fail.
But then,
WE RISE.
WE HEAL.
WE OVERCOME.
