It has been almost a month since I have sat down to write…my work environment had become chaotic with people leaving the department, overlapping vacation schedules and the subsequent reorganization…one week I had worked 80 hours…exhaustion did not even begin to cover it…but the majority of the storm has passed..
During this period of time…I experienced the most surprising of emotions…Anger…I felt like a huge ball of heavy tangled thread landed in my lap…and I had no clue as to what I should do about it…
Surprising…because in the whole of my lifetime, I have not felt a lot of anger…even in the years of great pain…I see anger as a wasted emotion…I know that most therapists would say anger is important because it is a symptom that something is wrong…
I hurt during the hard and difficult times…but I realized early that people often hurt others because they are hurting and don’t know how to release their own pain in any way other than by hurting others…
Anger that is not transmuted and held within our body and mind is detrimental to our own health…proven scientifically to cause physical dis-ease…anger serves no long term benefit to the holder…
So imagine my bewilderment when no amount of prayer or meditation would dissolve this ball of fury and outrage…so I sat with it and started to try and separate the threads..I knew that I felt disappointment at not being acknowledged for my work and resentment for being paid less for doing more work than others…those threads I could remove with logic and the knowledge that life eventually irons out those wrinkles…but there was more…something else that needed untangling..
The company has gone through a great deal of changes while the ownership works at making the location that viable in an ever changing business environment…so everyone is afraid and hurt…there is almost a palatable feeling of those emotions…
So what did that leave?
As HSP’s..sensitives…we are aware that certain conditions cause us stress..but living within the business environment for many years I thought that I had learned to navigate the normal stimulates…but apparently the last few months were over the top..even for me..
A new member was added to our team..a good person, but very loud and unhappy …apparently the constant loudness was the straw that broke the camels back…it was too much for me..my emotions were going to make me listen one way or another…
She wasn’t acting out of malice…and in the interest of creating a team out of the new members…I sure wasn’t going to retaliate in anger…not much good that would do…
What I did… was let her know in a polite manner that I was not as talkative and preferred a more secluded area to work efficiently and moved my work area..not only was I out of her immediate area of contact but I also am now out of the main traffic area..along with sleep and healing nutrition…my ball of tangled emotions has started unraveling and calm is starting to settle back into my soul…
