In 21 days, this will be my morning view…will my old life will fade as the mists quietly fade with the rising sun…
The past week has an extreme emotional roller coaster ride…the excitement that makes me feel as giddy as a child…and then the bottom drops out as the grief hits me in the pit of my stomach… as I remember again… all that I am leaving behind…my heart family who have been with me through the many tears, trials, and triumphs…intimate friends who have laughed, cried and walked beside me…the wagging tails that greet me every day after work…
A week ago Saturday, an envelope was dropped in my lap….thinking that it was just another promotional gimmick…I wasn’t in a hurry to open it up…conversations continued…it wasn’t heavy…I didn’t even look at the return address…
Finally, taking the time to open it…it was empty…except for my passport (which is another story)…and it was open to a page that had a visa attached…not just a visitor’s visa…but a 2-year relative visa…a life partner visa…surprised was not even a word that would adequately explain my response…
Both Mr. P and I really did not think that it was a possibility…it was a process that we felt needed to be followed for future applications…and there had been issues during the process…several 8 hour trips to Chicago and back…calls from the Consulate stating that they had not taken my passport…so they could not process the visa request…
But there it was…the unthinkable and unbelievable…making our future lives so much easier…no 3 month visa extension application…no leaving the country every 6 months…and starting the process all over again…
Now it was all “real”…not some fantasy…not a dream…but a wonderful…beautiful reality…that now held out it’s hand to me…and I must go…life had handed me a bright beckoning future with a loving partner and new adventures…
The following Monday I requested a sit down with my supervisor… my stomach in knots and nausea rippling through my stomach…and with only a couple of hours of sleep the night before…I met him for breakfast on Wednesday morning…
The reason for all this trepidation is that his normal mode of operating is to tell whoever to hit the door…not the way I wanted to leave…I have been with the company for two years and developed a work family that drove me crazy at times…yet I love…
I had prayed and thought…and thought…and thought…how to present the information that I was leaving…I didn’t want to be emotional or cry… so I asked to meet in a public arena…
…and
It went surprisingly well…my suggestions as to how to make the transition as seamless as possible were listened to and actually implemented…I was allowed to stay for the requested two weeks…
But more than anything…my leaving was a reality…no changing my mind…no excuses…and the roller coaster of emotions continues to go “clickitie-click” …exhilarating and thrilling with an ever increasing speed…
“I have learned that if you must leave a place that you have lived in and loved and where all your yesteryears are buried deep, leave it any way except a slow way, leave it the fastest way you can. Never turn back and never believe that an hour you remember is a better hour because it is dead. Passed years seem safe ones, vanquished ones, while the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.”
― Beryl Markham, West with the Night
